Sheetrock and Two by Fours

I was not meant to not have a job. I was not meant to be idle. It does me no good. I find melancholy anywhere; like I have radar. It is a beautiful day at the little gray house and I am frozen in the little spare bedroom. I wonder what to pack for the trip of my life. And I wonder what to unpack from these shoulders.

This room is a form of comfort like hot tea or a good scarf. The space where Daddy and I watched General Hospital together and talked about building a two stall barn. Long gone are the exchanges and the smell of sickness. Time has been good to this room. It is the room where we pitched a tent for all the kids because we promised camping without checking the weather report. It is the room where Victoria's big comfy chair sits and all the joy she brings floats to the top like a bouquet of balloons. I can hear the laughter of the kids after Christmas dinner as they share their gifts with one another. I can be loved just by walking into this room.

It is strange how much sheetrock and two by fours can mold who you are and what you have become. They should be credited right up there with faith and friends. I wonder if in my future travels I will find a room that loves me as much as this one does. And I wonder how this room will do without me; will it miss me as much as I will miss it?  

I have one thing left to do before I can leave on my trip. I have to make coleslaw and potato salad for a company picnic. I think about the simplicity of each and hope I can love them enough for these people who will eat it to enjoy. I worry they will say things like, this is dry or ugh, too much salt. I worry I will miss my kitchen. The kitchen will miss the kids; the family gatherings. The mouse, will he miss me? I worry.

There is no telling what will become of me or this house. I just know I have to go. And this house can't go with me. I feel like I was supposed to be here; but now I feel like I am not. There is no place I feel like I am supposed to be now so I must go in search. I have always been unsettled and the settled time at this house has made me restless. Unfamilar with my ownself.

I start to pack.

Recipes: Never underestimate the opportunity to make cole slaw and potato salad for others to enjoy.

Roadtrip: Room to room...

Renovations: When it is time to go you will know.