How Great Thou Art

The weather is overcast today. Light rain, chilly; just like it was 15 years ago on this date. It was 11:30 in the morning and Daddy was gone. His battle tested body lay still. Like he was getting the good night sleep that had alluded him for so long. For my whole life he went to war daily with the insurgents attacking his body. They were relentless and cruel and countless.

Today at 11:30 a.m. we met at the church; my siblings and I, the grandkids and my mother. When I arrived, I went to find my brother and when I did I saw him helping his son don the alter server gear.

“No Dad, that is too tight. No, it isn't supposed to go like that. Don't button that Dad. Dad, you don't know how it is supposed to look....”

“Son, is that too tight? OK buddy, you want that over? You don't want it buttoned? OK, that looks good. Uh, yea I do bud, I used to be an Alter Boy...”

They didn't need me there.

So I go find my niece Katie. She is singing at the meditation time after Communion; a solo for her Grandpa whom she never met. She just finished rehearsing. She is good to go. Such a little pro.

Eventually, we all settle in to Dad's pew. The front one on the left. He always sat in the front so he wouldn't have to see 'the hooligans who show up in shorts and mini skirts'. The Mass begins and I get teared up at the sweetness that is Alter Server Wade as he escorts the priest thru the congregation. I want to kiss him and hug him and whisper in his ear, “do you know just how proud your Grandpa is right now?”

The Mass is being said for the Repose of the Soul of Wade Bortle Sr., the greeter announces, and I wonder where Dad is with that. The priest talks about making sure we do what we are supposed to be doing in our short time on this earth and then I surmise my Dad is well at peace.

Communion commences and I am curious, when I should be praying, why did Daddy like this pew? Eventually you gotta see everyone as they come to receive the body and the blood of Christ. There are mini skirts, torn jeans, untucked shirts galore. But, since Dad was living his life the way God intended, I am sure his head was down, eyes closed and his heart and soul were deep in prayer at this time. Such big shoes for me to fill. Wait, cute boots, is that distressed leather! Oh God, I am going to hell.

When Katie made her short walk to the piano for her solo, I could not contain my tears. They flowed in odd tracks down my face with great speed, not at all keeping time with the music. When the opening notes of How Great Thou Art began I reminded myself that this tiny angel with the big voice never met her Grandfather; but she has every ounce of his goodness; his thoughtfulness ~ but way better pitch.

I am flanked by my nieces Catherine and Jessica and we embrace as the song soars. I am desperate for Daddy to see them now.They are beautiful and vibrant. I want the Mass to be said for someone else. I want Daddy in his Pew, beaming with pride as his granddaughter sings and his grandson serves.

I don't want Katie to stop singing. I never want this song to end because I can feel the warmth of my father's hands and the generosity of his presence. I am sitting on his lap; we are making the relish tray; we are singing in rounds She'll be Coming Around the Mountain; he is bouncing Amanda on his knee. We are taking a Sunday drive; he is making his chili. He is saying, Jesus Christ Almighty, and not in a good way; we are playing hookey and going to get Chinese. I am holding his hand as he cries and he is holding mine as someone breaks my heart. That was MY Dad.

How Great Thou Art, indeed.